Pre Wedding FREAKOUT!

Over the weekend, I received an email from Rabbi A saying he was looking forward to seeing me as a bride....

[Insert loud screeching, braking sound]

WHAT?!

It was at precisely THAT moment that it occurred to me that the "blessed event" was basically a little more than a month away.  That no, my jean skirt and Pens long sleeve t-shirt would NOT be appropriate attire.  That OMG I needed a KETUBAH!  And a veil and a ring and....well, thank goodness we already booked the restaurant but YIKES!  I need to finish the guest list and confirm who is coming and...

CRAP!  I am getting married IN JERUSALEM on February 17!

It was like dawn breaking over Marblehead and when I got to work yesterday I went into super, hyper, freaked out, kallah-to-be mode.  And just as if I ordered the crisis served up on a platter...it arrived.  

The artist who is personalising the ketubah sent her draft.  I forwarded it to Rabbi A and two Israeli friends to proof.  EVERYONE almost simultaneously noted that the ketubah listed the location of the wedding as both Jerusalem, Israel AND North America.  That HAD to be corrected.

So I contacted the artist.  I told her everything was wonderful except the location and I attached the text Rabbi A sent for the correction.  The artist - a wonderfully patient woman named Patty - emailed back that the "North America" was actually PRE-PRINTED on the print I had bought.

See....I am all about the bargain and when I was perusing the ketubot of theJewish Museumand found a 17th Century Italian reproduction...for $40?!  What could be better?  I mean Anth is Italian...it worked so well!  I loved it.  I kvelled to the saleswoman how absolutely bashert it was that I found it at such a wonderful price.

The lady I purchased it from didn't know Hebrew from Greek, I mean she was SUPER nice and helpful...but still.  And who would think to ask about the North America part you know?  In my defense, I DID ask for a copy of the text and she called TODAY to tell me it was too small to fax.  By then the dime had dropped.

So I spent all afternoon FREAKING that now we're up against the wire, I have a ketubah that I got on the cheap that MIGHT not work and wondering where will I get another delivered to me in 4 weeks?  I reverted to Plan B which was...to find another ketubah while I hastily emailed back and forth between Rabbi A and Patty to see if somehow the "North America" could be artistically obliterated.

I actually tweeted "See Eli stroke.  Stroke, Eli, stroke!" to which my friend Mike responded, "I didn't know you were a competitive rower!"

Funny.  Yes, torment a manic kallah...THAT is a death wish for sure! Good thing his wife Chaya Tova puts up with him!

Well, in the meantime, as I mentioned, I had also already realised I couldn't wear a jean skirt and a Pens tshirt so, while I HAD halfheartedly been searching through East of Jesus where I live out here in Westmoreland County for something "suitable" (and finding nothing because I wear an extremely small size...face it, I'd do better in a girls XL - seriously!), I suddenly felt I HAD to search, seize and obtain appropriate bridal wear although Rabbi A, who must have REALISED I was on the verge of mental collapse, emailed that no, I didn't need a special dress at all.  

In my state, it was all SEARCH, SEIZE and OBTAIN NOW!!!!!!

Fortunately after I googled "high neck, long sleeve wedding dress" I did find a few things that "worked."  Unfortunately, my google search didn't include "full back" but I did find something that at least didn't scream "pole dancer on the side".  It is a sheath dress with a lace overlay and it's flaw is basically that the sheath comes mid thigh.  It really does look silly if you ask me but for $37 (YES!) I figured it could be lengthened.  The lace is so heavy and beaded...I didn't see it as a deal breaker. 

Iknowthis comes from the granddaughter of a woman who was a home ec teacher for 30 years and who made her own wardrobe for the majority of her life.  I am handy with a Singer...although in my crazed-kallah state I did have enough sense to find a seamstress who can help.  And it MAY need to be taken in a bit (but the measurements are close...and the back....well, for $37 I'll make it work even if I have to rip the sheath out and make it over from scratch.  Seriously.  Like OH EMM GEE!  You know?

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

In the end, the ketubah could be corrected...not really without seeing it but hey, for $150 inclusive, I figure we'll have a story to tell.  And yeah, I know I probably could have found something that DIDN'T need to be corrected for slightly more since the Jewish Museum got me for double shipping which, sorry, was just WRONG (they are charging me shipping from them to the artist and from the artist to me which they informed me about today after I spent so much time working with the artist to FIX the problem.)  Whatevs at THIS point.

And...I had a dress.  A dress with a mini skirt and a beautiful see through lace overlay that comes to my calf but still...$37 was hard to pass up and obviously I couldn't.  When I explain this to my non-Jewish friends, they REALLY don't understand why having a sheath under the lace that only comes mid thigh and a scoop back is such a big issue.  Actually...it's a lot better than all the off the shoulders I waded through to FIND it.  Plus it's vintage and gorgeous...and I am convinced will be easy to modify to my needs.  I am an optimist if nothing else...a freaking out, optimistic kallah.  

Oh wait until they fit me for that jacket with the long arms and the stylish leather buckles in the back...because they WILL at this rate!

Tune in tomorrow for Part 2...the veil and the bouquet!!!

Special thanks to my friends Mike and Rafi for helping me with the ketubah, to Ronit for dealing with a freaking out kallah and to Rabbi A...well, what can I say...he deals with me almost daily and does it so well :)