Raising a Child with Soul

Comment

Comment by Frances Zelazny-Ganz on June 11, 2010 at 11:26am

i think i would say something like, "we all have these days", and see if that sparks a conversation that may calm her down

Comment by Jodi on June 11, 2010 at 8:39am

Sometimes peopel just need empathy. The mom is probably taking out her bad day stress on her kid. I would try make eye contact and say wow you are havinga carzy day - it may just shake her out of her irritable state

Comment by Abby Cohen on June 11, 2010 at 8:11am

honestly, i probably would have just kept my mouth shut and looked the other way, or commented on how cute the child was. People don't like it when we point out their faults, and i am not sure i would be able to point it out in a way that wouldn't insult her. Its tough. i also think that some mornings we are ALL like this mother. Nothing our children do seems to be good enough. We might want to keep that in mind when we do see this mother and not judge, and also, when we do have mornings like these.

Comment by slovie wolff on June 10, 2010 at 11:37pm

hi Moms,
I have a question now for all of you! what would you do if you were in a store and saw a mother totally screaming at her (about) 4 year old little sweet girl? whatever this child did was no good...the mother just yelled at her , even the way she held her coloring book got an angry, impatient scream. Would you say something? This just happened to me as I was waiting on line and I felt so terrible for this child and the mother, too , who was obviously out of control. I am wondering what you would have done???

Comment by Abby Cohen on June 10, 2010 at 12:13pm

Hello Slovie, I wanted you to know that I am very inspired by your book. First of all, i have been looking for a few years for a book about parenting, and no one can give me a flat out book that would give me advice and chizuk. The Aish HaTorah conference did it for me,and not because it was the Aish HaTOrah conference. I got to experience a double wammy there. I got to hear you AND your mother speak. I had read a few of your mothers books and were inspired, but i hadn't heard of you until the conference, but i knew that if you came from that extraordinary woman that i wanted to hear you speak. When you finished speaking, i was in tears! THe ideas and points that you conveyed were EXACTLY what i was looking for in a parenting book. I bought your book that weekend and read it over and over again. I even highlight and underline key points that i want to remember.

Its interesting, i know that inorder for children to really follow in their parents footsteps, most of the time a parent needs to be sincere in everything they do. I also know that before we have kids we should work on our middos and habits because our children will come away with our traits, good and bad. I see in my parents, and in-laws how much even personalities and habits and attitudes that are under the surface were transmitted to their children. I am so glad that G-d gave me this clarity because i have been nervous since my son was born on how to raise him. Some things he already has from birth, and others we are trying to nurture. In the meantime, we are trying to improve our personalities and bad habits so that he sees that we don't do them anymore and B"ezras Hashem, our future children won't have them engrained in them.

I want to thank you for the inspiration, and advice on how to be the best parent that i could possibly be, and how to maximize my time with my son, and show him that he is my whole world, and hopefully never allow him to forget it. Thank you!

Comment by slovie wolff on May 3, 2010 at 11:41pm

looking forward-keep strong and please be in touch!

Comment by candy on May 3, 2010 at 11:39am

Thank you so much - I will look at the chapter, and apply - and Pls G-d let you know the update!

Comment by slovie wolff on April 27, 2010 at 8:42pm

hi Candy,
i salute your bravery for your honesty and candor. now, lets talk! you write that your 8 year old "lets you know in no uncertain terms when I do something wrong". .."she will point out when I do not spend enough time with her".."Her anger stems..". While I do believe in communicating with our children and hearing their voices and concerns , I do not believe in indulging their self centeredness and even selfishness that allows them to be chutzpahdik. There is no reason for your 8 year old to be angry. Siblings are a gift to be appreciated and 4 years is certainly more than enough time to understand this. You surely give her lots of attention and time but in her mind it is never enough-and thus, the attitude toward you. Please do not allow this chutzpah. Pointing out what you do wrong in no uncertain terms is chutzpah-in no uncertain terms! the other children in the house are picking up on this attitude and anger and feel that it's ok to act like this. Yes, speak to your child lovingly, give her time, just as you're doing. but you cannot allow her to speak and act with disrespect. She cannot tell you where you fall short as a mother or what you need to do for her. She can tell you, respectfully, what she would like to do with you, how she feels, and her emotions. but all this must be done with 'derech eretz'-that is the bottom line. pay attention to her tone, her words, and her attitude. Help her rephrase sentances properly to teach her the right way. All your children will learn a new way of communicating. Please look at my chapter on respect, honor and discipline-they are all connected. You will probably need to remind her and even give someconsequences if need be-but you must establish this mode of communication now before your daughter is in her teens and this becomes her nature.
best wishes for joy and blessings,
slovie

Comment by candy on April 27, 2010 at 9:06am

Hi Slovie. Thanks for the telecall last night. I am the anonymous mom - with the strong willed kids! I have officially come out of the closet! I just wanted to comment on your wonderful advice, which I really heard an appreciate. Just to let you know - I have 4 kids. Last night we spoke about the 2 and 8 yr old. To address the issues with the spitting two year old - I do try and not make a big deal out of it, but it does not seem to stop. I will tell everyone also not to get too emotional about it. She does not have daycare on Mondays and Wednesday, and on those mornings she is with me. Either she comes with me to the shops, or she just hangs around me until it is time for her nap, or we play or do something together - so she is getting one on one time with mommy. Every night she as her routine and we do shema, so i do believe she is getting a lot of attention from me.
With regard to the 8 yr old - she is a very self aware child. Very verbal - very in touch with her emotions, and lets me know in no uncertain terms when I do something wrong - like not give her attention etc. Every Wednesday and Thursday she has an extra mural activity. I pick her up from school and we go get a bite to eat, where we sit for at least 1/2 hour and talk. Not to mention the close to 45 mins of talk time that we have in the car there and back, and that is twice a week! None of my other kids get that much alone time with me. Yet she will still point out that I do not spend enough time with her. I know a lot of her anger stems from the fact that i had other kids - i know this sounds bizarre. She loves her sisters, but was an only child for 4 yrs, and had me all to herself, and we did a lot together in that time. Now she has school and siblings, and I think she misses that. Anyway last night after the call, I peeked in her room ,and she was still up. So i sat on her bed and we had a long chat about not speaking to me like she does. ( Again). Again, she apologized and said she realizes, but I am not sure how long it will last. Bu I did tell her that there will be no Grey areas, punishment will be immediate, and I pointed out that I really do not want to go that route, I rather just have everyone happy and not fighting. When I mentioned that her sisters are learning from her, she grinned sheepishly and got the point.
Sorry for the essay - but now that yo have more info - what do you say?

Comment by Judy Berg on April 11, 2010 at 1:15pm

Slovie, why the change in the cover of the book? I loved the old one.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page