Jokes about Jewish Moms

Comment

Comment by Rachel Boussidan on February 10, 2010 at 7:22pm

When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came
back.
She replied, "So did my arthritis."

Comment by Anais Mizrahi on October 18, 2009 at 10:56pm

A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife sa...id, ‘We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.’ The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, ‘Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.’ The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.

Comment by Hannah Toledano on October 18, 2009 at 7:29pm

A jewish woman was ellected to be the presdient of the USA.
She calls her mother to tell her the good news: "mom I just won the ellections, i'm going to be the president, will u come to the ceremony?"
The mother: "umm... I don't know, I have nothing to wear..."
The daughter: "MOM! i'll send u a dress!"
The mother: "I don't know... I only eat kosher food..."
The daughter: "It's ok mom, i'm gonna be the president, you'll get your kosher food!"
The mother:" But how will I get there?"
The daughter: "GOD mom, i'll send a limo, just be there.."
At the ceremony the mother sits down... first thing she does is stick an elbow to the guy next to her saying: "you see that woman over there with one hand over the bible?... her brother's a doctor!

Comment by Hannah Toledano on October 18, 2009 at 7:28pm

My son the thespian

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been
given a part in the school play. "Wonderful! What part is it?" replies his mother.


The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother
scowls "That's terrible. Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Comment by Hannah Toledano on October 18, 2009 at 7:24pm

Q - How does a Jewish mother change a light bulb?
A -(Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want I should bother anybody.

Comment by Hannah Toledano on October 18, 2009 at 7:19pm

No Pressure!

A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."

Comment by Hannah Toledano on October 18, 2009 at 7:18pm

Jewish Mother's Answering Machine:

If you want chicken soup, press 1;
If you want matzoh balls with the soup, press 2;
If you want varnishkas, dial 3;
If you want knishes press 4;
If you want to know how am I feeling, you are calling the wrong number since nobody ever asks me how I am feeling.

Comment by Hannah Toledano on October 18, 2009 at 7:16pm

Nadine, Joyce, and Sylvia are sitting on a park bench, talking about their children.

Slyvia: Well friends, I have good news and bad news.

Nadine: Nu?

Slyvia: My Michael called me up on the phone last night and told me he was gay.

Joyce: Oy, Slyvia, vey iz mir! And after all you did for him! You were such a wonderful mother. Don't blame yourself.

Nadine: Of course she was wonderful! So, nu? That's the bad news. Let's hear the good news?

Slyvia: Well ... he's marrying a doctor!