family in orbit

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Comment by Hilary Buff on September 20, 2010 at 10:48am

There is a very interesting study that was recently published from the University of Wisconsin in Madison. They used technology-a phone- to see if they could measure if a mother’s voice was as comforting to a child as physical hugs and kisses.

The participants of the study were girls, ages 7 to 12, they had to give a talk and then solve some math problems in front of a panel of judges, the researchers figured these were tasks, that would make any kid’s heart pound and blood pressure rise.

Before the girls gave their performances, the researchers measured the levels of two important and powerful hormones in all of the girls: oxytocin and cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone that spikes during times of stress. Oxytocin is the bonding, or so-called “love,” hormone.

This was an important study because it has been assumed that there has to be physical contact for oxytocin to be released, this study showed that when researches had the girls talk to their mom’s on a phone to be reassured by words, the girl’s hormones behaved in almost an identical way as girls that were physically comforted by their mothers.

Of course, as parents, we all want to physically be with our children whenever we can. However, I appreciated reading this study because we sometimes need technology to help us stay connected with our children and help them through difficult times. It is easy to only read the negative aspects of technology, cell phones and computers but we are lucky to live in the 21st century where we can choose to use modern science to learn how to use technology in positive ways to help strengthen our modern families.

See more articles like this at familyinorbit.com

Comment by Hilary Buff on September 16, 2010 at 10:10am

A few weeks ago I received an interesting message in my Facebook account from a young woman who I once had the pleasure of knowing as a very young camper at a camp I directed many years ago.

She is a senior in college now and her general message explained that she is attempting to clean out her Facebook account. She explained that while she would like to keep her over 2000 Facebook ‘friends’ she may be changing the status of some of her friends and she didn’t want to offend anyone in the upcoming months.

I was really impressed by her message. I haven’t spoken to this person in years. I know that it wasn’t a personal note, but somehow I felt like it was. She didn’t have to inform me that she might be changing my status; she could have just simply changed my status on Facebook with a simple click of the button like many have done on a daily basis.

There is no protocol as to how a person drops another person from their group of friends. You can simply elect to ‘de-friend’ a person from your group without informing them of the change.

How do we model and teach our children how to respectfully change the status of their friendships on Facebook or social networking sites?

It has never been easy to transition or even lose friendships in our face-to-face world, especially when we are young; it is even more complicated online when so much of our children’s lives is shared on a ‘virtual playground’.

It seems that so many teenagers and adults were so excited to add as many peers as possible when first joining social networking sites. As time progressed individuals may have decided to be more selective about whom they want to witness their daily lives online. It might not be a bad idea for us to think about for ourselves, and to talk to our children on how to deal with friendships that have changed, and how to bow out GRACEFULLY online, especially when one of the parties will be taken by surprise.

I am wondering if the simple message I received from the camper was a good start? A note, that somehow the ‘de-friend’ it is not meant to be an attack or a personal dig. Rather, it is what it is…a change in status.

Comment by Hilary Buff on September 5, 2010 at 9:01pm

Like most mom’s I appreciate having a long weekend home with my family. Let’s face it; it also gets tiring…the cooking, the cleaning up, the bathing, the swimming, the playing…you know how it goes. When tired, we need to find ways to relax. Some people find it relaxing to be online, others on the phone, and others in front of the television.

Yes, there are many other ways to relax…but statistically, these are three of the most reported popular ways the modern individual spends their free time.

Even when we are relaxing, our children are often still watching our behaviors. A friend of mine mentioned to me while she was on the computer the other day, her 12 year old son asked her if she still thought of him when she was on the computer.

What an interesting and telling question…. our children still have feelings of being ignored and may still be sensitive to feeling unimportant—Even IF They Ignore Us When They Are Playing or On The Computer.

I know I need to be constantly aware of putting down my technology a little bit quicker and answer my children a little bit faster, and be aware I am always modeling how to be present.

Comment by Julie Walpert on September 4, 2010 at 9:48pm

Family in Orbit is great. It's for dads too.