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A little problem in the bedroom
A little problem in the bedroom
No, it's not what you're thinking, thank G-d. I'm not reporting about a sexual problem with my husband. My bedroom issue has to do with a 2'9", almost-2-year old who just returned from vacation overseas, and has planted himself in my bedroom. In my bed to be specific, and I want him OUT, NOW.
You see while traveling, we visited all his grandparents, and friends, who spoiled him rotten, doting on him, showering him with attention and affection. Each night someone else wanted to stroke his hair, rock him, sing to him, lie with him, and read him to sleep--all of which add up to a 30-minute ordeal at minimum. His usual routine includes waiting till he is tired, spending 30 seconds saying the bedtime Shema, giving him a kiss goodnight and leaving him in his crib to put himself to sleep. Normally, when he gets up in the middle of the night, we put his paci back in his mouth, or give him a bottle of water and let him fall right back to sleep. On vacation when he awoke in the night, he would scream and have to come sleep in mommy's bed the rest of the night so he would calm down. So now he is used to being held until he falls asleep, in someone's bed rather than his crib. Then, when he wakes up back in his crib during the night, he expects to be taken to someone else's bed again. And that someone, has had more than enough of this.
I find myself so frustrated I am screaming at him in the middle of the night while he is wailing. How awful! If I took a step back, I'd realize that first and foremost, he's just a poor jet-lagged baby. But secondly, I am no better than him. I got spoiled over vacation too, and I'm not happy to let it go so quickly. I got to spend endless hours with my husband, my family, my friends, and not have a care in the world. I too am in a bit of a state of denial that it's over and find myself trying to hold on. I don't want my husband to go back to his 13-hour days, just as much as I don't want to return to my own crazy schedule. I don't want to let go of the time with my family, being spoiled and showered with affection. So if I dont, of course my baby wouldn't either. I guess I need to be a bit more understanding. The question is... how can I be more understanding and still get the little one out of my bed!?!?!
This is surely not a dilemma that only I have had to face. I am appealing to all Metroimmas out there: Please share any tips for getting your kids to sleep in their own beds and/or readjusting to their normal routine after a vacation. And if you could send them before bedtime tonight, I would be eternally grateful!
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rachael Zavodnyik on -
Ah bedtime with the little one. I hear your pain. I lived with my parents and sister after leaving my partner of 7 years and my little boy (then 5 months) was spoilt with attention and affection every day too by 4 people who adore him. He slept in my bed every night until he was 11 months because I convinced myself that it was good for him and me if I picked him up when he screamed across the room in the middle of the night. I ended up going to sleep school. Essentially they taught me two things. (1) Have a routine and stick to it and (2) be patient. Everything they do they learn from us. They need their mummies to learn from. I know it is cold comfort, but it will get better and it sounds like you had a routine. He will remember it and learn it again! My son is almost 6 now and he is a champion bed time sleeper, sleeps through the night and has an amazing routine. Starts as soon as we walk in the door. I keep telling him when he is going to bed, what we are going to do and when we are going to do it. It WORKS! he knows what to expect and then he is winding down. He always has a shower then a snack if he has had dinner with my father, half an hour to an hour of tv, school readers, cuddles, a book in bed hugs and a kiss. But your routine should be what you are comfortable with! What you have always done. Stick to it. When he screams as you leave the room reassure him that you are just going out for a minute, then come back reassure him, dont make eye contact say goodnight again then leave again. Wait for 2 mins, if he is still screaming repeat. 2 weeks and Reuben was a beautiful sleeper at 11 months and I haven't looked back. But your little boy is older so talk him through it. prepare him. He'll complain, but work it out in a short time.
I hope you both have easier sleep and the routine returns. Good luck
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Permalink Reply by Yael Hanover on -
I think you answered your own question - be more understanding...and get him out of your bed.
Once he is back to the security of home and has had his fill of your reassuring presence, he'll move back to his own space confidently. Kicking him out before he's ready is just a recipe for an anxious little guy with no way to express his anxiety but waking up in the middle of the night.
Whenever something was bothering Moo, now 4 K'AH, sleep was always the first thing to go. I do not operate well in the middle of the night, so I realized that the fight was not worth it. Letting Moo set the rules for when he got out of the family bed allowed him to resolve his issues while we still got to sleep at night. Fighting him back to bed has the potential to yield hours of unsuccessful struggle in the wee hours. Not worth it to me.
Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Justine Saidman on -
I hear your pain. Our 7 year old still likes to crawl into our bed in the middle of the night and fall asleep with us. We have tried everything from screaming at him to taking him back to his bed to putting a mattress on the floor next to our bed so that he could sleep there if he woke up scared. We've done sticker charts and rewards and calm talking. Eventually, we even bought a king size bed so that there would be more space. We moved him into a room with his siblings so that he wouldn't feel alone.
My new approach is that I am eternally grateful that my beautiful son feels safe at night with me and while he's up for snuggles I am happy to give them to him. Based on the experiences of my friends with older children, I am quite sure that in a few years time, he is not going to want to have anything at all to do with me. So, I am trying to enjoy it - and I cringe to hear myself say that because I really love and need my uninterrupted sleep!
You have to find what works for you and go with that. Set your boundaries and stick to them and know that the fact that your child wants to be with you means that you are a wonderful parent.
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